If I Had a Hammer

What does that mean anyway? Even Renovator Wife has a hammer…a tack hammer, a roofing hammer, a regular junk drawer hammer. Most people have a household need for such items - like Cokes in the frig or a hairbrush in the bathroom.

But as a therapist I must ask questions – can everybody handle having a hammer in the home? Does your handyman have impulse issues or unresolved stress and anxiety? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then take my word for it – NEVER….EVER Let your handyman keep a sledge hammer in the house!

The following is the story of my own home invasion! I remember it clearly as if it happened yesterday. I was holding my 2 year old on my hip, stirring our supper on the stove. He came into the kitchen, eyes fixed, cold and calculating, staring at the breakfast nook wall next to me. It was as if I wasn't even there…

My instinct served me well as I slowly asked him to move away from the wall. When I saw that he was unresponsive, I begged for cover….
that is to say, I begged the handyman for time to cover my furniture! AND THEN I SAW IT – the handyman's weapon of mass destruction - a sledge hammer!

I said a prayer as I covered my toddler’s eyes………………….and afterwards calmly dusted off his Pampers. Now only an eerie silence and a heck of a lot of dust EVERYTHING, there was no respite from my circumstance – there was no place to hide.

The wall to my breakfast nook now lay in shambles, left only with random shards of wood begging to be put out of their misery. Within minutes, every surface in my house and I groaned with the burden of dust particles.

Then the handyman offered a maniacal grin of deep satisfaction – a job well done but not yet completed! The dust only parted as he climbed into his truck on a mission toward Lowes or Home Depot….I was sure hoping he’d bring back a bucket of chicken that night...